Flirting is a crucial step in taking a relationship from platonic to romantic territory, and mastering this skill is necessary for anyone who wants to have sexual or romantic relationships with women. For a lot of us, though, flirting doesn’t come easy: We’re just not as smooth and effortless as the guys in the movies.
Relax: you don’t need to be a leading man to be able to flirt successfully, and everyone is able to at least improve their flirting game. Here are six simple ways to flirt better that every man can incorporate right away:
The essence of an engaging conversation is to do more listening than talking. Everyone likes the feeling of being the center of attention while you’re telling a story, but the key to making someone really like you is to make them feel like you understand who they are and what they care about — and the only way to do that is by truly hearing them.
The good news is, listening is an easy skill to master, although it goes beyond simply taking in the words that are being said by your crush. You need to give regular, non-intrusive signs that you’re still paying attention , and you should be paying enough attention that if she loses her train of thought, you can jump in and say, “You were talking about how you’re not sure teaching is the career for you.” I promise your crush will be impressed by this.
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Listening is fundamental not only to flirting but to a successful relationship, so start working on your listening skills before you tackle anything else on this list.
Body language is a crucial component of successful flirting. Non-verbal communication helps to set the tone: you can be talking about a fairly dry, platonic topic, but the right body language and facial cues will show your crush that you’re not trying to be her friend.
Consider the message you’re sending with your body. Folding your arms or orienting your body away from your crush generally signals disinterest, so keep your limbs freed up and face her instead. Smiling and maintaining eye contact is very important, and once you’re confident you’ve captured her interest , some light touching on the arm is a good way to elevate the flirting session.
Flirting is a two-way exchange, and to be truly good at it, you need to be able to read your crush’s cues. You don’t want to overshoot the mark or make your crush feel uncomfortable, so get good at reading the signs that indicate you should slow down or stop, as well as those that signal you should keep going.
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Sighing, yawning, orienting herself away from you, wincing and folding her arms are all indications that you’re not on the right track, as are slow or intermittent replies online, so you’ll need to change tact or back off completely if this is happening. There’s an old trope that says that if a woman is touching her hair she’s interested in you, but women touch their hair for all sorts of reasons, so we wouldn’t recommend reading too much into that one. However, if your crush is smiling, laughing, touching you and moving in closer, these are all really good signs.
A well-timed, genuine compliment is a key way to elevate your flirting game. Everyone likes hearing them, but if they’re not thoughtful and sincere they won’t ring true, and you’ll end up worse off than if you’d said nothing.
Fortunately, it’s really easy to land a genuine compliment: You just need to stick to things that are actually admirable or beautiful about your crush. It’s a good idea to balance compliments about her looks with other positive traits, such as her sense of humor or intelligence, to avoid coming across as overly focused on looks. “You seem incredibly well-read” works, as does “You’re hilarious!” — so long as, you know, you’re actually laughing at her jokes, too.
That being said, don't lie just to get a compliment in — focus on the things you actually do like about her.
It’s often tempting when you’re flirting with someone to highlight, or even exaggerate, your strengths and achievements. Of course you want to put your best foot forward, but no one likes to be on the receiving end of unidirectional braggadocio, and you could end up putting your crush off by being insufficiently humble.
Assuming your flirting session is going well, your crush will be interested to hear about you and your life, and if you have a particularly impressive job or a significant recent achievement, it’s definitely OK to discuss those things. But bragging about being rich — or successful with women, or owning lots of property, or other similar things — is nauseating, and will do little to endear you to your crush. Even if your bragging is a little more down to earth, if you suspect that you’re making it “all about you,” try directing some questions at your crush and letting her have the mic for a while.
A key objective of your flirting may well be to enter into a sexual relationship with your crush, but you could blow it by being too crass or sexually explicit early on. Especially when you’re flirting online, it can be easy to forget yourself: Women often report Tinder matches opening with, “Nice tits!” or “Hey! Wanna f*ck?” It should go without saying that this is appalling flirting, and borders on harassment, but whether you’re flirting online or in person, a lot of men go wrong by being leery or vulgar.
If you’re good at flirting, you don’t need to explicitly ask for sex. That part will come naturally, after you’ve demonstrated that you’re an attentive listener, paid some genuine compliments and held your own in a warm, two-way conversation. A very subtle double entendre is about the most sexually explicit you should be getting, and you should absolutely avoid any mention of f*cking, tits, butts and any kind of sexual positions or acts — unless she leads with them.
At the end of the day, flirting is really about holding a decent conversation. Sure, you’re aiming for a little more than friendship, but the basics are still the same: be interesting and interested, show respect, back off when need be, and dish out a well-placed compliment or two, and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a master flirter. Good luck!
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