Asking someone out is the stuff of nightmares. How are you ever going to work up the courage to ask out the cute girl who lives in your apartment building? And if you did, what would you say to her? Are you going to make a fool of yourself? Will you be able to hold your own in conversation? These are the paralyzing thoughts that keep you from a potentially great first date. Luckily, we have a failsafe guide to help you navigate the entire process.
Plenty of fish in the sea, remember! The fact that you want to ask out this particular fish doesn't change anything. Don't build up the event in your head too much. Don't get nervous about it. The worst possible outcome is that she could say No, and that's not a big deal – though you might have to get over your fear of rejection before you can get her phone number.
Even if she does say No, she'll likely be flattered that you asked her out, especially if you didn't rely on cheesy pick-up lines. People ask each other out every day — and get rejected — and life goes on. If you take this approach, you're going to be much less stressed about the whole thing .
Let's say she's an acquaintance. If you already have her contact information, there's no harm in asking her out via message. If anything, it's more low-stakes to text a girl! Keep it brief and sweet. Even a simple "Hey, I think you're really great, and I'd love to take you to dinner sometime. Let me know if you'd like that!" message will suffice.
Don't write a five-paragraph long email about how you think she's perfect for you: this can come across as creepy, and will probably push you into the friend zone. Be as casual as possible — women run a mile from anything too intense in the early stages. This isn't the time to copy romantic movies and make big gestures, like ordering huge bouquets of flowers to her door. It puts way too much pressure on her to say Yes. You want to make her feel as comfortable as possible, while still building sexual attraction.
Does she seem distracted, stressed out or upset? Is she typing furiously into her phone? Is she walking fast? Watch her body language carefully. These are all good signs that you shouldn't ask her out at that moment. Nobody appreciates being interrupted in the middle of a tough day.
RELATED: Here's How NOT To Ask A Woman Out
If she has headphones on, or is working out in the gym, back off. It is never a good idea to ask a woman out in places where they don't expect to be approached. Even if she's attracted to you, she will not be happy about being hit on when she's just trying to get her workout in. That's why we have online dating and social media!
This is the easy-mode version of asking somebody out. It's also a good practical idea — you don't want to ask out married women, or a woman in a relationship!
"Hi, sorry to bother you, but I've seen you around, and I was wondering — are you single?"
If she's single, great, you can get right to asking for her number.
If she says she's not, or if she doesn't date men , all you have to do is smile and say cheerfully: "No worries! Have a great rest of your day."
Don't overthink what you're going to say. Don't use some complicated pickup line you found online! Women can tell when you sound rehearsed, so don't try to be slick. Instead, be genuine. There are cute ways to ask a girl out that don't involve canned lines. Tell her the truth, and make eye contact. A compliment is always appreciated too, as long as you don't overdo it.
"I saw you from across the bar and thought you were beautiful. I like your energy/style, and I'd like to buy you a drink, if you're interested."
If you're hitting on her in public, take up as little of her time as possible. She may be with friends, and they might be wondering if they need to rescue her or intervene. Be as discreet and courteous as possible! Say your piece without a long preamble. Don't linger for a second longer than necessary. This signals to women that you're polite and thoughtful — something that is very important to them, since you're a strange man asking them out.
Women have no idea how you'll handle being rejected, so they may give soft Nos instead of hard ones. They may smile politely and say "Thank you, maybe later," or look distracted and say they have to get back to their friends soon. Be on the lookout for these verbal and nonverbal cues!
Better yet, be the one to give her an easy out. It may seem counterintuitive, but it actually helps your chances. Say "No pressure" or "I understand if not." Say "I'd love to get your number. I'll be over there in the corner, if you're interested." This conveys to her that you're not pushy: another essential trait that women look for in men.
So she hasn't responded to your cute email. Worse: she replied and told you it was a No.
Don't freak out! A No in any form — whether over text, phone call, or in person — comes with the territory. Handle it with grace, like a grown-up. Tell her it's no problem, and carry on with the rest of your day. You shot your shot, and you missed, but there's always a next time — and now you'll be that much better at asking women out. Think of it as practice! Good luck!
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